VOS: The Loving Kindness Approach and Self-Compassion in Relationships

The Loving Kindness Approach and Self-Compassion in Relationships


November 2023

The Loving Kindness Approach and Self-Compassion in Relationships

In our fast-paced and often stressful world, we can sometimes forget the importance of kindness, especially in our relationships. The Loving Kindness Approach is a simple yet powerful practice that can transform the way we relate to ourselves and others.

What is the Loving Kindness Approach?

The Loving Kindness Approach, also known as Metta, is a form of meditation that originates from Buddhist traditions. It involves directing feelings of love, compassion, and goodwill toward oneself and others. The practice typically starts with offering these feelings to oneself and then gradually extends to loved ones, acquaintances, and even to those with whom we may have conflicts.

Benefits in Relationships

So, how does the Loving Kindness Approach benefit our relationships?

  1. Self-Compassion: By starting with self-love and self-compassion, we cultivate a kinder and more forgiving relationship with ourselves. This self-compassion forms the foundation for healthier interactions with others.
  2. Empathy: Practicing loving kindness toward others helps us develop empathy. We become more attuned to their feelings and needs, leading to better communication and understanding in our relationships.
  3. Conflict Resolution: When conflicts arise, the Loving Kindness Approach can be a valuable tool. It encourages us to see the humanity in others, even when we disagree, making it easier to find common ground and resolve conflicts peacefully.
  4. Stress Reduction: Kindness and compassion are antidotes to stress. When we approach our relationships with a loving and open heart, we reduce stress for ourselves and contribute to a more relaxed atmosphere in our interactions.

How to Practice

Practicing the Loving Kindness Approach is simple:

  1. Find a quiet and comfortable space to sit or lie down.
  2. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths to relax.
  3. Begin by directing loving-kindness to yourself. You can silently repeat phrases like, "May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I live with ease."
  4. After a few minutes, shift your focus to a loved one and repeat the phrases for them.
  5. Continue to extend this loving-kindness to acquaintances, neutral people, and even those you may have conflicts with.
  6. Finally, expand your loving-kindness to all beings, wishing them well.
  7. End the practice by taking a few more deep breaths and opening your eyes.


The Loving Kindness Approach is a beautiful way to bring more love and compassion into your relationships, starting with yourself. By practicing kindness and empathy, we create the foundation for healthier, happier, and more fulfilling connections with others. Try incorporating this practice into your daily routine, and watch how it transforms your relationships for the better.

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