VOS: The magic of compliment: notice the good

The magic of compliment: notice the good


December 2020

The magic of compliment: notice the good

There must be compliments in dating, that's for sure. Together with candies, it is the magical ingredient that distinguishes a date from an ordinary beer with a friend. Some people can give compliments very naturally, some have to force themselves into it, but as a result, everyone needs them (even outside the romantic context).

Research shows that we all respond to compliments more or less positively. And even those of us who say they don't care about the flattery of others. In the Czech Republic, we are still more through the complaints than through the great praise, but in fact, in any relationship, you go further with praise than with criticism. So below there are some tips from the literature on how to praise and give better compliments.

Be as specific as possible.

Compliments like "it suits you" or "good work" are better than nothing, but they are quite general. They are raised to the next level by a detail: "these are beautiful summer dresses, you really like the cut" or "I like how you can support the people around you. And not only me, but also my friends or students. You have great questions that make you think, and you don't condemn any idea or comment. " It just takes a minute to think about what impresses us and then describe it. This is a category of compliments that people remember for a lifetime.

Pay attention to personality rather than appearance.

Probably everyone likes it, but especially during the first stages of dating, compliments like "you have a terribly sexy figure" can sound a bit #metoo. Compliments to personality are safer and, in my opinion, much more valuable. For example: "I like the way you communicate naturally and easily with people, even if you only know them for a few minutes"

Take a compliment to the next conversation.

So praise and be interested. All you have to do is complete the compliment with a question. For example, "I admire how you use social networks to communicate about psychotherapy." What helped you get started like this? "Or" Super color combinations. Where do you actually shop? ”

Use their name.

That's the kind of mini hack conclusion. People usually like to hear their name (or its abbreviated, home version), so just address them more in the conversation. You don't have to rethink the bike here, just simply "Ivo, I'm really looking forward to seeing you again".

Author: Markéta Šetinová

As a psychotherapist and sociologist, Marketa helps people to find and enjoy relationships. She specializes mainly in working with singles and millennials. More about her work here.

Contact her at marketa@modernilaska.cz. Follow more content from here on Facebook and Instagram.

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